Meet the Man Behind So Many Breakthroughs: A Deep-Dive with NLP Co-Founder Dr. Richard Bandler
If you’ve ever felt stuck, stalled, or just a little bit “off” — like you know there’s more in you, but you can’t quite access it — this conversation will feel like oxygen.
I sat down with Richard Bandler, the co-founder of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), for a power-packed, story-rich conversation about how our minds create results. Richard is equal parts scientist, teacher, and comedian. He cuts through the fluff, gives you practical tools, and makes you laugh while you’re learning.
Why this episode might change your week
NLP is often misunderstood as a quirky “communication hack” or a niche therapy technique. Richard sets the record straight: NLP is a meta-disciplinary study of neurology with applications to real life — from public speaking and sales to healing from difficult memories. It’s not about theory; it’s about what works and how to learn it fast.
NLP is the user’s manual to the brain. And the brain doesn’t stop at your neck — it’s all one organism.
Across the episode, you’ll hear how language shapes perception, how images in your mind drive your feelings and actions, and why the quality of your questions determines the possibilities you create. You’ll also get specific, step-by-step mental moves you can implement right away.
Why this episode is special to me
I grew up in an unstable environment and, like many of us, repeated patterns from my past. Becoming a single mom forced me to confront language — the words I used with myself and the pictures I played on loop. I’d stumbled into change before I could name it. Then I found Richard’s work, chased the source to a seminar in London, and everything clicked.
It’s one thing to want transformation. It’s another to learn the levers that drive it, on purpose. Sitting down with Richard felt like bringing my journey full circle — and gifting you the tools I wish I’d had sooner.
What you’ll learn and actually use
1) How to drain the charge from a painful memory
When a memory hijacks your state, your body relives the past like it’s happening now. Richard explains a simple visual sub-modality tweak:
- Put a thin border around the mental image.
- Shrink it to a small circle.
- Desaturate it (black and white).
- Shrink the picture, make it black & white, blink it quickly in and out.
It seems almost silly — until your nervous system stops firing the old way. You don’t “forget” the memory; you change its neurological wiring so it no longer runs you.
The goal isn’t suppression; it’s re-coding. You’re not erasing your past — you’re changing how your brain stores it.
2) The most expensive habit you can fix now: procrastination
Procrastination isn’t laziness — it’s poor mental choices. Most of us focus on the difficulty of starting, not the pleasure of finishing. Richard’s reframe:
- Imagine the task complete (feel the relief and pride).
- Reverse-engineer the steps from the finish line back.
- Keep asking “What’s next?” — a forward-moving question that builds momentum.
This flips your neurology from “avoid pain” to “move toward reward.” Motivation rises as you act, not before.
3) Ask better questions, get better results
“Why am I like this?” only gives you reasons to stay the same. Swap “Why?” for “What do I want instead?” and “What’s next?” Those questions create new maps.
4) Desire isn’t a nice-to-have — it’s the ignition
Affirmations without desire are weak. Richard’s take: crank up wanting until your biology aligns. When you see the outcome and feel it as if it’s real, your neurology recruits attention, planning, and energy to get there. This isn’t wishful thinking; it’s systems engineering for your mind.
5) Planning makes resilience practical
From survivors of the worst circumstances to high-performers under pressure, the common thread is planning. When life throws a curveball (and it will), a pre-made plan keeps you moving forward instead of spiraling. Hope is not the strategy; clear next steps are.
Storytime: the race-car driver and the escalator
One of my favorite moments: a fearless race-car driver — 200 mph, inches from other cars — was paralyzed by… escalators. He’d built a terrifying inner movie of being chewed by the “teeth.” Richard didn’t “erase fear” with hypnosis; he taught him to think on purpose:
- Shrink the picture, flip perspective, alter speed and color.
- Walk to the escalator, ride one, then another.
- Celebrate “nothing” — the correct feeling for an escalator.
Result? Up and down four stories at the Sofitel. Sometimes the right state isn’t bravery; it’s neutral.
When the pond gets ripples
Richard referenced a beautiful Dalai Lama metaphor: your mind is a still pond; life tosses pebbles; ripples happen; they settle. Your job isn’t to get frustrated at the pebbles — it’s to stop poking the water and make a plan. The faster you return to calm, the better your decisions — and outcomes.
Faith, grit, and science can sit at the same table
We talk openly about faith. My belief: God is the final word, not any prognosis. Richard’s lens is complementary: whether you call it faith, focus, or physics, belief + planning + action is how transformation shows up in the real world. The label matters less than the alignment.
For coaches, leaders, and creators: language is leverage
- Leaders: Use better questions to unlock your team’s resourcefulness. “What’s next?” is the world’s cheapest productivity tool.
- Coaches: Teach clients to design their inner movies. Technique beats pep talk.
- Creators: Build a ritual of finishing. See the completed draft first, then reverse-engineer it.
Try this before you listen (a quick primer)
- Pick one nagging task you’ve been avoiding.
- Close your eyes and see it finished: the email sent, the deck exported, the sink clean. Let yourself feel the relief.
- Ask, “What’s next?” Write just the very next action.
- Do it. Then ask “What’s next?” again.
- When resistance spikes, picture the finish again and breathe into the feeling for ten seconds.
Now hit play. Notice how much deeper the episode lands.
Favorite quotes to take with you
- “Successful people rehearse success. Then they plan for it.”
- “If the map is not the territory, make a better map.”
- “Failure is a definition of time — it happens the moment you stop.”
- “Happiness isn’t fluffy; it’s functional. Happy brains make better decisions.”
- “It’s not about being clever with NLP. It’s about being useful.”
Who this episode will help most
- Entrepreneurs and sales pros who can start but struggle to finish
- High-achievers who win publicly and loop mistakes privately
- Parents who want better language and tools for kids’ big feelings
- Anyone who’s ready to stop being a victim of their thoughts and become the author
Key takeaways you can screenshot
- Changing your inner picture changes your state — fast.
- Replace “Why?” with “What do I want instead?” and “What’s next?”
- Visualize finishing first, then reverse-engineer the steps.
- Desire drives neurology; feel the outcome now to fuel action.
- Make a plan before you need it. Future-you will thank you.
Ready to think on purpose?
This episode is designed to be immediately actionable. If you’ve been waiting for a sign to shift your state, redesign your habits, or finally get that project across the finish line, consider this it.
🎥 Watch the episode on YouTube: Click here.
Then come back and let me know: Which question or technique moved the needle for you first? I’d love to hear your story and help you tailor these tools to your next big win. Subscribe to the Make Things Happen Podcast and never miss a moment of inspiration.
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Learn more
To learn more about Dr. Richard Bandler, NLP, and his life-changing seminars, check out the links below — they’re total game changers:
🔹 Pure NLP: https://www.purenlp.com/
🔹 NLP Eternal: http://nlpeternal.com
🔹 NLP Newsletter: https://nlp-newsletter.com/
🌐 Visit Richard Bandler’s website: https://www.richardbandler.com/
Want to go deeper?
If you’re serious about mastering your mindset, and executing at your highest level—my group coaching program is where we do the real work. DM me “READY” on Instagram @iamdianapagano and I’ll send you the details.
📕 My book, The More Mindset, is officially available for pre-order!
➡️ Pre-order now on Amazon!
This book is more than pages bound together. It’s my story, my struggles, my faith, my lessons, and my breakthroughs. It’s everything I had to walk through—the pain, the doubts, the setbacks—that shaped me into who I am today. I wrote this book for the dreamer who’s been saying “someday.” For the achiever who looks successful on the outside but still feels like something is missing. For the person who knows, deep down, that there has to be more.
I’m so grateful to be on this journey with you!
Stay blessed,
💜 Diana
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